I have been thinking of writing you for over a week but it has been really crazy trying to juggle everything. If someone only told me what marriage was all about and the hard work that comes with it, I would have taken a chill pill for another year or so or maybe taken a chill pill on our new bundle of joy. To cut my story short, I have a 6-week-old baby and I am stressed out. I don't know if my hubby is ever going to step up and be a dad to our baby or if he is just going to remain a sperm donor because right now he acts like one. He does not help out with anything. He is even too big to hold the baby for just 5 minutes. He wants me to do everything all the time. I am taking care of this baby and taking care of him all at once. i am getting fed up and just really need to breathe. Any Suggestion?
Thank you
Josephine
Hello Josephine
I am so sorry you are going through this and YES no one ever tells us these things and even if we were told, we would have to experience it to fully understand it. The truth is whether you take a chill pill on marriage for another 5 years, it would still require your hard work. Also taking care of a new baby is not easy and that is why you need all the help you can get from family, friends and hubby.
We are so blessed as women and that is why God gave us a womb. We immediately know how to assume our role as a mother right from the moment we become aware that we are expecting. Men on the other hand are not as forthcoming. Some of them take a while before they come into that reality and trust me this has nothing to do with age.
In other to breathe, i will like you to do the following;
Look for a good time when you are not stressed to discuss how you feel with your hubby. Let him know how stressed out things are and how you would want him to help in anyway. your husband loves you and will listen to you if you speak in a language he understands. You need to find that language. (Most times its in between being calm, loving and respecting all at the same time).
Also change your mindset and don't think of him as a sperm donor. I understand he may come across as one sometimes but if you allow that to occupy your mind, it will affect how you treat him and you won't get the help that you need. Some men are so slow to come to terms with reality so you may need to bring him up to speed. Do not assume that he knows that you need help.
Please ask and ask and keep asking till he has no other choice than to help you out with the baby. Make a list of the things that really matter to you and focus on those things. Don't ask him to change the diaper just because your friend's hubby changes his baby's diapers. Be realistic and ask accordingly depending on the kind of man you are married to. Some men are scared of holding babies so small just because they are scared not because they don't want to.
Also let everyone that cares about you and are close enough to you know that you need help in any way. If you don't ask for help, you will never get one. You may have a friend come help you baby sit while you sleep for a few hours. Just an hour of sleep can reset your whole system and make you feel a whole lot better
Order take out if you are too tired to cook. Don't add cooking to the stress if you can't take it. Your baby is 6 weeks old and needs all your attention all the time.
Take care of yourself. please eat well and rest. I am so sure you have heard it over and over again. sleep while the baby is sleeping..... YES please sleep. Don't start cooking or cleaning. It will add to your stress level.
Finally whenever you are stressed, just take a look at the beauty that you brought into the world and smile and be thankful.
A lot of women are dying for your kind of stress right now.
PS to the men out there reading this blog post, Please help your wife in any way you can. It is not easy being a wife and a new mother. We need your help whether we let you know or not. Remember both of you created this new beauty and not the woman alone. Don't ever get her to the state where she thinks you are a sperm donor. It is ridiculous. Even if we do not ask for help, offer to be of help. Be of service to your wife during this period. A lot of women go into depression during this stage, don't be a reason for your wife to be unhappy about her life. Celebrate her and make her feel good about herself. Your wife needs your presence and your help. I know you are working hard to provide financially for the family and we are grateful but if you can't employ a maid servant, a cook , a nanny a driver etc to help her life easier then just be there for her and it would matter more than any other thing in this whole world.
I think i have written a book already. LOL.
Josephine i hope you take my 2 cents advice, i believe it will make a difference.
All the best my dear
Congratulations on your new bundle of Joy.
Kind Regards
Adey
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